Dec 07 2008
During the “festive” season watch for signs of stress and depression
The tragic news today of Richard Marslands suicide really brings home the point that we need to watch out for each other during this stressful period. Marsland was the popular co host of MMM Melbourne’s morning breakfast program.
Whilst we can never know what was going through his head, research shows that the Christmas period is often a very unpleasant time for lots of people. After a year of frenetic activity some people find they don’t always have the close friends and family that are portrayed in all the advertisements. Here are some thoughts to help get you grounded:
Step Back
While everyone tries to do a million things during these next 3 weeks it is important to take some time to step back from the activity and realise that you don’t “have to” do anything. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars or go to constant parties to be worthwhile. See the activity for what it is. Unfortunately much of the commercial world sees this period as an opportunity to get people to spend lots of money and to forget about the true meaning of Christmas. Make a list of what you have to do before Chistmas and really consider what is essential and what would be nice to do.
Experience the now
Try to find something that really allows you to experience the moment. What many of prophets have known for millenniums and which modern science is now just realising is that the capacity to live in the now is often the secret to a fulfilling life. This is the Buddhist concept of mindfulness. Psychology Today produced a wonderful, practical story called “Six Steps to living in the moment” http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-20081027-000001&print=1
Reach out
In this time of 24/7 activity many of us forget to take time to reach out to others when they are having a hard time or if we are experiencing difficulties. In the 12 Step mental health program GROW there is a saying that “Friendship is the special key to mental health”. Through my own experiences, I am totally convinced this is the case. When you care for another it often takes you outside your own issues. “To have a friend, be a friend.”
Value yourself and others
“As I am healed and harmonized by responding to the offer of true friendship, so the measure of my maturity is my capacity to be a true friend.” GROW saying www.grow.net.au Connecting with others really helps with loneliness and sometimes we forget to give this the priority it deserves.
If anyone else has any suggestions or thoughts about how to make this period less lonely or stressful please respond to this blog.
Look out for each other.
Kind Regards
Graeme
My long-term boyfriend recently told me about his past, which he didn’t like talking about. He told me that he had been depression nearly 2 times and once he had tried to commit suicide, overdosing on paracetamol and attempting to strangle himself.
He was in a difficult relationship, under stress - studying medicine and unable to cope, not having many close friends and family nearby and often being lonely.
It was very difficult for him to talk about it.
I assured him and I know that I will be there to support him if anything happens again, but he even admits himself that he is completely over the depression and past relationship which led to the depression. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.
But we recently had an argument, he was under stress with work and we are planning on getting married. We have had problems for a while and I suggested a break - he reacted badly (but I also was rather angry) and we were aggressively arguing, when he said he would “knock himself out”.
I was in complete shock and was worried sick when he hung up and switched off his phone. Whilst a big part of me knew he wouldn’t try and attempt to doing anything, I was worried. I spoke to him about it last night and he reproached me for bringing it up, as it was very hard for him to tell me - I really wanted to know, he had hinted of the past but did not want to mention it.
I’m slightly worried - how do I know completely that he is over it? he was feeling upset yesterday as he spoke to a friend who has depression and told me that he did not wish it on anyone, it brought up very bad memories for him.
How can I help it from re-occuring? he has told me, since we met that I am the best thing that has happened to him and he has never been happier, that I can really cheer him up and make life so bright for him…. whilst this is obviously the best thing a girl can hear - will I be able to remain this support and balance for him?
I’m a 100% prepared to support and stand by the man I love, please could you offer me some advice/suggest what I can do….
Thank you!!
Z
Dear Z,
I really feel for you as it is very difficult to try to support someone who is struggling with depression.
When I asked experienced Depression Carers what they knew now which they wish they knew when they started this support this was there reply:
1. They would learn more about the types, causes, and treatment of depression earlier.
2. They realise that their partners depression is not their fault and they can’t fix them.
3. The person with depression has to take responsibility for their own recovery
4. The caregiver must look after themselves or they can’t sustain the care.
5. The caregiver can play an enormous role in recovery by being supportive, and gently but firmly, challenging them to take the necessary action to help with recovery. The best results are obtained by asking the right questions rather than telling.
All this is extensively covered in my book “BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO: Helping your loved one overcome depression” (see http://www.DepressionCarer.com) I also suggest you look at other entries on my blog and comments from readers.
Kind Regards
Graeme