When I asked experienced Depression Carers what they knew now which they wish they knew when they started this support this was there reply:
1. They would learn more about the types, causes, and treatment of depression earlier.
2. They realise that their partners depression is not their fault and they can’t fix them.
3. The person with depression has to take responsibility for their own recovery
4. The caregiver must look after themselves or they can’t sustain the care.
5. The caregiver can play an enormous role in recovery by being supportive, and gently but firmly, challenging them to take the necessary action to help with recovery. The best results are obtained by asking the right questions rather than telling.

All this is extensively covered in my book “BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO: Helping your loved one overcome depression” (see http://www.DepressionCarer.com) I also suggest you look at other entries on my blog and comments from readers.

Kind Regards
Graeme

He was in a difficult relationship, under stress - studying medicine and unable to cope, not having many close friends and family nearby and often being lonely.

It was very difficult for him to talk about it.

I assured him and I know that I will be there to support him if anything happens again, but he even admits himself that he is completely over the depression and past relationship which led to the depression. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

But we recently had an argument, he was under stress with work and we are planning on getting married. We have had problems for a while and I suggested a break - he reacted badly (but I also was rather angry) and we were aggressively arguing, when he said he would “knock himself out”.

I was in complete shock and was worried sick when he hung up and switched off his phone. Whilst a big part of me knew he wouldn’t try and attempt to doing anything, I was worried. I spoke to him about it last night and he reproached me for bringing it up, as it was very hard for him to tell me - I really wanted to know, he had hinted of the past but did not want to mention it.

I’m slightly worried - how do I know completely that he is over it? he was feeling upset yesterday as he spoke to a friend who has depression and told me that he did not wish it on anyone, it brought up very bad memories for him.

How can I help it from re-occuring? he has told me, since we met that I am the best thing that has happened to him and he has never been happier, that I can really cheer him up and make life so bright for him…. whilst this is obviously the best thing a girl can hear - will I be able to remain this support and balance for him?

I’m a 100% prepared to support and stand by the man I love, please could you offer me some advice/suggest what I can do….

Thank you!!

Z