Through me time with GROW, I have learnt about the “4 Stabilizing Questions”. I have not only found these to be extremely helpful to me but have also seen them work well in the lives of hundreds of others.

These questions are asked when you are worried or stressed about something.

THE 4 STABILIZING QUESTIONS

1. WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

It’s amazing how things can seem out of control when they are swimming around in your head. Talk with a friend about what specifically you are worried about. Writing the problem down can also be very helpful. Properly clarifying this can definitely make the problem seem smaller.

2. HOW LIKELY IS IT? IS IT CERTAIN, PROBABLE OR ONLY POSSIBLE?

This question highlights that you should only invest time on those things that are certain or at least probable.

3. HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?

Don’t invest time and energy into things that are not important. GROW has another saying - “Be content to be discontent in many (minor) things”.

4.WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

Important problems start to shrink when you take action. Remember action is the enemy of depression and anxiety. Try this approach and let me know how you find it by responding to this blog.

Kind

Regards

www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com

Tags: anxiety, depression, stress, worry

With a new year in front of us we always wish that it will be better than the last year. Whilst many of the people who review this blog have depression and just want to get over it, I think dwelling too much on what you don’t want rather than what you do want can be counter productive.

Focus on what you do want

The science of happiness has shown us that contented people regularly set goals for themselves (see previous entries). Whilst the thought of this for someone with depression often seems particularly onerous, I believe that it has many advantages.

My experience with goal setting

During a depression outpatient course at I completed at Northside clinic, I was encouraged to set weekly goals around exercise and contact with family and friends. We not only had to write these down but we had to schedule them into a diary and report back to others on our progress the next week. I found that although I often didn’t feel like it, I would often force myself to get out of bed and go for a walk. I inevitably felt better after having taken the walk. The same applied to my contact with family and friends. It is very common to want to isolate when depressed, but like the exercise, I often felt better having made the effort to meet with loved ones. Of course I was also seeing my psychiatrist as well and found  a medication that also seemed to help. Eventually this goal setting involved leisure activity and meditation and finally it progressed to doing voluntary work and then writing “BACK FROM THE BRINK”.

After some time to reflect, I began to realise that I was seeking 3 outcomes in life:

1. Physical and mental vitality
2. Good relationships with support, fun and intimacy
3. A career that enabled me to contribute and prosper

I decided that I would set weekly goals around these 3 outcomes: vitality, intimacy, and prosperity. When you have depression, I think a week is as far as you want to look ahead and most of the time you should be trying to live one day at a time.

Vitality

By far the most important aspect of this is regular exercise. How much? 30 minutes brisk walk (or equivalent) 6 days per week. Eating well is also extremely important and this should involve lots of fruit and vegetables, omega 3, and low levels of fatty foods. As my health improved I also embraced meditation and continue to do it twice a day, every day.

I also include in this category regualr contact with doctors and psychologists. It is also important to limit alcohol consumption.

Some of the fun things here are sport, hobbies, movies, travel etc.

Intimacy

As my physical health improved I began investing much more time into my relationships, and began to yield the benefits from that. I realised that in my past I often let career come before relationships and realised what I mistake that was. I have come to realise how important having strong relationships are for your mental health. I also joined GROW, a 12 step support group which was wonderful. The mutual support is priceless.

Prosperity

The final part of my recovery came from finding out what I really wanted to do with my career. Whilst I had enjoyed my early career in marketing and human resources, I was really seeking something outside of the mainstream corporate environment. I began doing some volunteer work with Volunteering NSW, helping to place prospective volunteers into the right roles. I saw how people’s self esteem lifted substantially when they found fulfilling work. Eventually things evolved where I began writing my books and speaking about overcoming depression and turning around lifes difficulties. I truly love my work now.

Yearly goals

At the start of each year I now set goals under each of these three categories. Each week I determine what I’m going to do to help make these happen. If ever everything seems too much I give priority to goals in the order nominated: vitality, intimacy and then prosperity.

I really believe that we all have unique gifts to contribute to the world and are capable of very happy and fulfilling lives. Does that mean that I will be forever immune to depression? No it doesn’t, but I try to focus on what I do want rather than what I don’t want.

If you have any comments about setting new year goals, please respond to this blog.

Kind Regards

Graeme

 

 

Tags: depression, depression treatments, new year goals, resolutions