Feb 22 2010
How do New Year’s resolutions affect your mood?
Last weekend I spent at a course learning how to ask better questions to understand someone’s needs. There were lots of good ideas that I wanted to use and so I began looking at my calendar to see when they could be actioned.
Shock, oh shock, I realised that it was almost March. It only seemed like yesterday that I was sitting with Hilary in a park overlooking the harbour watching the Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge ablaze with colourful light. I then reflected that on that night, the majority of us make our 2010 New Year’s resolutions.
According to the website 43things where 150,000 people recorded their 2010 resolutions, this was the top 10:
1. Lose weight 2. Be happy 3. Fall in love 4. Get a job 5. Travel 6. Stop smoking 7. Get married 8. Love 9. Find love 10 Lose my virginity.
WHY AREN’T MOST RESOLUTIONS KEPT?
According to an extensive report by the British psychologist, Richard Wiseman, 88% of people that make them will fail to honour them. Isn’t that depressing? I thought goals were healthy. Presumably we make them so that we can correct some perceived shortcoming in our lives.
I know how abysmal my own record is in this department. About 15 years ago on the stroke of midnight December 31st, in a rush of blood, I decided that I wouldn’t drink alcohol for 3 months. I remember feeling very hung-over when I first woke up and thinking “what a great resolution”. I’m ashamed to say that at 2:30pm on January 1st, at a recovery lunch my will power collapsed with the justification that I needed some “hair of the dog” to feel OK so I could continue my resolution. I never recovered. Then I felt guilty and miserable for giving in so easily.
Understanding what type of goals work and what don’t work, became the obsession of Harvard Psychology Professor David McClelland. He sought to understand if there were any common qualities between students who 20 years after graduating were leading a very fulfilling life.
His process was long and exhaustive but he ended up identifying 4 qualities around the goal setting of graduates that would determine who would be living an inspired life 20 years later, and who wouldn’t. These are the common goal setting qualities of students who were able to sustain an inspired life 20 years after graduating – drum roll – drum roll:
· They set goals that were meaningful to THEM (their values, their strengths, their passions) and weren’t significantly swayed by social indicators of success. They would also regularly daydream as if they had already achieved their goal.
· They set moderate goals which they have a 50:50 chance of achieving. No outlandish goals here – just things that were realistic but also had a slight stretch.
· The engage in both positive and negative thinking in how the goals would happen. No Pollyanna’s here – just pragmatists. I good way to describe this approach is the English proverb “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst”. They carefully monitor progress to then make corrections.
· They seek advice from experienced people before deciding if a goal is realistic – someone who has travelled the path before them.
With a questionnaire that measured these 4 qualities Professor McClelland could predict with 90% accuracy who would be leading a meaningful and happy life 20 years later.
If you look at the top 10 for 2010, I can understand why they don’t last. I’m sure being intoxicated doesn’t help our clarity and sustainability of commitment.
What’s your experience with goal setting? What has worked for you and what hasn’t? Please reply to this blog and let me know.
THE GOOD NEWS
We don’t have to wait until December 31, 2010 before we try again.
WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME
As some of you may know, I have done lots of reflection over the last 10 years to understand what is really important to me. My life mission is to help people to realise that they can not only bounce back from adversity and depression, but also go on to lead inspired lives. I have decided to launch the BACK FROM THE BRINK book series in the US as I know what a difference it makes to have real people discuss their battles, struggles and victories. A key part of the success of the Australian book was having some high profile people in the book. This helped significantly in generating publicity. I am going to Chicago at the end of April to be a keynote speaker at the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance conference (this group is partnering with me for the US versions). I am then going on to New York to present my proposal to publishers.
MY GOAL – TO HAVE 4 US/UK CELEBRITIES AGREE TO BE INTERVIEWED FOR BFTB BY APRIL 15
I need your help. So far I have tried contacting the high profile people via their managers with a disappointing result. I found in Australia that when I was able to speak with the celebrities directly there was a much higher probability of success.
DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE, OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO DOES?
Jane Pauley – former host of Today Greg Louganis – Olympic gold – diving
Carrie Fisher – actress Star Wars Mike Wallace – TV journalist
George Stephanopoulos – ABC commentator Buzz Aldrin – Astronaut
Owen Wilson – Actor Richard Dreyfuss
Brooke Shields – Actress Marie Osmond – Singer
Jim Carrey – Actor Larry King – TV Journalist
Winona Ryder – Actress Brian Wilson – Musician
Terry Bradshaw – NFL Footballer JK Rawling – Author
Trish Goddard – TV presenter George Michael – Singer
HOW YOU CAN HELP
If you know one of these people or how I can find away to contact them directly, please respond to this email. If you are reading this on my blog and want to contact me directly please email me at graeme@graemecowan.com.au . Alternatively you may know an option through Facebook or Twitter – I will try anything.
Please respond to the blog and let us know what you think. Are there any subjects you would like me to cover?
Kind Regards
Graeme
Graeme Cowan
