Feb 22 2010
How do New Year’s resolutions affect your mood?
Last weekend I spent at a course learning how to ask better questions to understand someone’s needs. There were lots of good ideas that I wanted to use and so I began looking at my calendar to see when they could be actioned.
Shock, oh shock, I realised that it was almost March. It only seemed like yesterday that I was sitting with Hilary in a park overlooking the harbour watching the Opera House and the Sydney Harbour Bridge ablaze with colourful light. I then reflected that on that night, the majority of us make our 2010 New Year’s resolutions.
According to the website 43things where 150,000 people recorded their 2010 resolutions, this was the top 10:
1. Lose weight 2. Be happy 3. Fall in love 4. Get a job 5. Travel 6. Stop smoking 7. Get married 8. Love 9. Find love 10 Lose my virginity.
WHY AREN’T MOST RESOLUTIONS KEPT?
According to an extensive report by the British psychologist, Richard Wiseman, 88% of people that make them will fail to honour them. Isn’t that depressing? I thought goals were healthy. Presumably we make them so that we can correct some perceived shortcoming in our lives.
I know how abysmal my own record is in this department. About 15 years ago on the stroke of midnight December 31st, in a rush of blood, I decided that I wouldn’t drink alcohol for 3 months. I remember feeling very hung-over when I first woke up and thinking “what a great resolution”. I’m ashamed to say that at 2:30pm on January 1st, at a recovery lunch my will power collapsed with the justification that I needed some “hair of the dog” to feel OK so I could continue my resolution. I never recovered. Then I felt guilty and miserable for giving in so easily.
Understanding what type of goals work and what don’t work, became the obsession of Harvard Psychology Professor David McClelland. He sought to understand if there were any common qualities between students who 20 years after graduating were leading a very fulfilling life.
His process was long and exhaustive but he ended up identifying 4 qualities around the goal setting of graduates that would determine who would be living an inspired life 20 years later, and who wouldn’t. These are the common goal setting qualities of students who were able to sustain an inspired life 20 years after graduating – drum roll – drum roll:
· They set goals that were meaningful to THEM (their values, their strengths, their passions) and weren’t significantly swayed by social indicators of success. They would also regularly daydream as if they had already achieved their goal.
· They set moderate goals which they have a 50:50 chance of achieving. No outlandish goals here – just things that were realistic but also had a slight stretch.
· The engage in both positive and negative thinking in how the goals would happen. No Pollyanna’s here – just pragmatists. I good way to describe this approach is the English proverb “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst”. They carefully monitor progress to then make corrections.
· They seek advice from experienced people before deciding if a goal is realistic – someone who has travelled the path before them.
With a questionnaire that measured these 4 qualities Professor McClelland could predict with 90% accuracy who would be leading a meaningful and happy life 20 years later.
If you look at the top 10 for 2010, I can understand why they don’t last. I’m sure being intoxicated doesn’t help our clarity and sustainability of commitment.
What’s your experience with goal setting? What has worked for you and what hasn’t? Please reply to this blog and let me know.
THE GOOD NEWS
We don’t have to wait until December 31, 2010 before we try again.
WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME
As some of you may know, I have done lots of reflection over the last 10 years to understand what is really important to me. My life mission is to help people to realise that they can not only bounce back from adversity and depression, but also go on to lead inspired lives. I have decided to launch the BACK FROM THE BRINK book series in the US as I know what a difference it makes to have real people discuss their battles, struggles and victories. A key part of the success of the Australian book was having some high profile people in the book. This helped significantly in generating publicity. I am going to Chicago at the end of April to be a keynote speaker at the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance conference (this group is partnering with me for the US versions). I am then going on to New York to present my proposal to publishers.
MY GOAL – TO HAVE 4 US/UK CELEBRITIES AGREE TO BE INTERVIEWED FOR BFTB BY APRIL 15
I need your help. So far I have tried contacting the high profile people via their managers with a disappointing result. I found in Australia that when I was able to speak with the celebrities directly there was a much higher probability of success.
DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE, OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO DOES?
Jane Pauley – former host of Today Greg Louganis – Olympic gold – diving
Carrie Fisher – actress Star Wars Mike Wallace – TV journalist
George Stephanopoulos – ABC commentator Buzz Aldrin – Astronaut
Owen Wilson – Actor Richard Dreyfuss
Brooke Shields – Actress Marie Osmond – Singer
Jim Carrey – Actor Larry King – TV Journalist
Winona Ryder – Actress Brian Wilson – Musician
Terry Bradshaw – NFL Footballer JK Rawling – Author
Trish Goddard – TV presenter George Michael – Singer
HOW YOU CAN HELP
If you know one of these people or how I can find away to contact them directly, please respond to this email. If you are reading this on my blog and want to contact me directly please email me at graeme@graemecowan.com.au . Alternatively you may know an option through Facebook or Twitter – I will try anything.
Please respond to the blog and let us know what you think. Are there any subjects you would like me to cover?
Kind Regards
Graeme
Graeme Cowan
Hi Graeme
Goalsetting and new years resolutions, and achieving them, it all depends on the individual person. We are all different, we have different motivations, different will power. Some of us give up easier than others, or we are told by friends or family that ‘we wont do it’, which is a put down to start with.
Setting goals that are too high is a mistake, small steps need to be taken first to reach that ultimate goal.
Personally I can help most people but I cant help myself. Strange isnt it.
Linda
Hi Graeme
I think the key in making goals is making them manageable, setting baby steps that may not look like you are moving very far but you are moving forward. As I have suggested before a Movie call “What About Bob” starring Richard Dryfass and Bill Murray is a classic and fun to watch in how one can baby step to there and beyond. You may take three steps towards the goal then take two back but at least you are further towards the goal than you were previously. Also not to punish yourself for perceived failure.. I agree with Linda above, we are all so very different and therefore we are motivated in various ways. Some years ago I had been thinking I should stop smoking but never seemed to take action always having that just last smoke before giving up, which never happened.. One having my eyes tested I now needed glasses oh dam I thought. Then the optometrist wanted me to see a specialist, at that appointment this doctor said “you are a smoker are you?” “Yes” said I.. He began telling me that if I wished to continue to see my grandchildren when I was 70, I would be wise to give up NOW!! I thought on it for a while.. My hubby has glaucoma… well by the time I got home the equation of the situation began to make sense to me.. Here I was now 60 years of age if I am to live on I do want to be able to see my grandchildren and a lot of other things too.. Once the equation make sense I threw out almost half a packet and from then on never smoked.. Not that it was easy.. Even now when thinking of social times over a cuppa and smoke I miss the fact that I do not smoke.. Now I have to put that same reasoning into gaining control of my weight.. I know that doctors would say do you want to be alive to see your grandchildren at 70 years… My answer is not as affirmative to that.. yes sure it would be nice but well I have a faith that I know that the next part of my journey is all taken care of so sure I could leave this world quite easily but have I reached my used by date? What more is there for me to strive for? These are the questions that plague when depression rears its ugly head..
As for making contact in the US if I were you I would take every effort to be a guest on The View hosted by Woopi Goldberg, Barbara Walters and others check out http://theview.abc.go.com/ *I thing they could give you the edge on getting onto any celebrities… Good Luck and stay well..
Regards Chris
Hi Graeme. Thank you for keeping me connected. I find your doing a great job with keeping peolple aware and discussing topics around depression.
I have always wanted to set goals but never got around to it.I hope I will be doing that soon. Realistic goals are important and having a flexible attitude.One thing that I like about the research is that people choose goals that were meaningful to them.This is at the top of my list. Because once the anxiety and depression has ceased we have clarity of who we REALLY are. At this point follow your heart the answers are there.We can then begin to see what we want for ourselves and our life and whats important to us. Dont be afraid to speak up about how you feel. Express your opinion and be honest with yourself.