Jul 08 2010
How would YOU ask “Are you OK?” to someone depressed?
For it’s first year, 2009’s RUOK? Day had many highlights including 650,000 Australian’s reaching out to someone they were concerned about and asking “RUOK?” - but we want your help to make it better.
Just prior to a recent presentation I did regarding mental health in the workplace, I surveyed the HR Managers and CEO’s who attended and asked them, what were the biggest concerns they had about asking someone who appeared to be struggling “Are you OK?”.
These were there top 3 concerns:
· How do you broach the subject with them?
· How do you best support people managers who are trying to help them?
· What do you tell other team members?
If you have at one time struggled in the workplace with depression, stress, or anxiety, I’d like to ask your help in recommending an approach which is good for the employee, the team, and the organisation.
Last year for RUOK? Day we produced a form to help individuals feel more comfortable approaching the person they were concerned about.
This is the approach we recommended:
Put yourself in their shoes
The reason most people don’t ask RUOK? to someone they care about, is that they don’t know what to say, or are afraid of “opening a can of worms”.
If you were the one struggling and had lost hope, would you want someone you cared about to ask RUOK? What would you like them to say?
The “Golden Rule” is an ethical code that is shared across most major religions and cultures that states “do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Many Australians have embraced this idea during tough times; think of the Victorian bushfires, when millions of Australians reached out to help each other. RUOK? is another day where we challenge Australians to treat one another as you’d like to be treated.
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BREAK THE ICE |
Start a general conversation somewhere private |
“What’s been happening?…. “I’ve been concerned recently that….(e.g. you are becoming isolated from work mates…seem to be quite stressed and behind in your work…. “It is so unlike you and I’ve wondering are you ok? Is there anything that is contributing?” |
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Build trust through good eye contact, open body language and relaxed disposition |
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Ask open ended questions to raise concerns based on their behaviour |
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LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGEMENT |
Guide the conversation with caring questions |
Listen to the person without judging them as lazy or weak, they are trying to cope as best they can. Don’t give advice like “cheer up” or “pull yourself together” or “you’ll be right mate”
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The more they talk the better – a problem shared is a problem halved |
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Don’t rush to solve problems for them - it is better to have a full understanding of the issues |
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ENCOURAGE ACTION |
Summarise the issues and ask them if they have thought about what to do next |
“So it sounds like you’re having a really tough time…..” - encourage the person to get professional help “Have you thought about talking to your GP or EAP?” - make a time to chat about it again over coffee in a few days to follow up on their action plan
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Encourage them to take one step to address the issues (see p3) |
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It is essential to follow up – nothing changes until someone acts |
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DENIAL? |
If they deny the problem, do not criticise them. Acknowledge they are not ready to talk |
Avoid a confrontation with the person unless it is necessary to prevent them hurting themselves or others It’s ok to ask them if they are thinking about suicide. |
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Say you are still concerned about changes in their behaviour |
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Ask if you can enquire again next week if no improvement |
After the event last year we surveyed a sample of employers to ask them how they found effective they found this resource - 73% rated it effective or very effective, and 27% somewhat effective.
I would like to ask the experts, the ones who have struggled with a mood disorder in the workplace, is there anything you would suggest to improve this approach – given that it has to be no more that a page long.
Please respond to this blog and answer these 3 questions:
1. Can you suggest any improvements to this approach?
2. If you had the opportunity to give your boss advice on how best to handle the situation, what would you suggest?
3. What are your thoughts about informing other team members that you are working with a mood disorder?
Many thanks for helping us continue to improve our approach.
Regards
Graeme
If you think your organisation (or another) may be interested in having me as a speaker, please refer them to: www.GraemeCowan.com.au or call my office on +61 2 8014 8867.
“Graeme delivered an exceptional presentation to our client group consisting of CEOs and Human Resources Managers on the topic of “Best Practice in managing mental health in the workplace”. Everyone was riveted to Graeme’s personal experience as well as the incredibly powerful suggestions for handling employees (and personal contacts) suffering from stress and depression. The suggestions were practical and simple and relevant to workplace situations. His style is so genuine and open that the majority of client feedback said it is one of the most compelling presentations they had seen in many years. Graeme has done some amazing research, both locally and internationally, on various aspects of mental health. He was also able to effectively demonstrate the corporate savings and the business case for addressing employee mental health and productivity. Given Graeme’s corporate background and his personal experiences I couldn’t recommend him more highly in either a consulting or speaking capacity. He is an inspirational speaker.” June 9, 2010 Diane Humphries, Managing Director Cameron Recruitment
I’m not sure how I would have wanted to be talked to but when I talk to people I don’t know I always stress how important it is to know that their is no shame to having depression, the old stigmas have gone and even medication is not a wrong road. I think that is important, even when talking to my teenagers about theirsocia/emotional/other problems. Cherrie
I am a long term sufferer of depression and I think it is really bad for an employer to ask an employee these questions, particulary to ask an employee if they are thinking about suicide! Most employers I know would take notes and use the information against an employee (e.g when writing up a performance review etc.). Employment is a place of work, not a personal place. The WORST thing an employer can do is to interfere in the personal life of an employee.
Hi graeme
An interesting idea. As someone who did not present with overt symptoms in the workplace i’m wondering how the above would work. If you don’t show the signs how can anyone help?
I did face a situation where I felt very depressed and did not show it, went into my employer and said that I was resigning and was met with the attitutude of ‘who can we get to replace you as quickly as possible’. There was no discussion about why i wanted to leave so i just wore it at the time and left a perfectly good teaching job.
So how do you reach those who are not easily accessible via the above approach?
What about teaching employers, supervisors and others how to deal with people who present with sudden decisions about curtailing their employment.
I don’t like the idea of mental health issues being referred to specific individuals in the workplace - there is still a lot of prejudice out there (perhaps more imagined than real - although it is a very competitive world and the reality is that someone who is fragile does have a more difficult time) .
Recently I was presented with a question about whether i had a mental illness (and if so to report somewhere for help - well meaning) when enrolling in a TAFE course - which i promptly ignored. Were there questions about whether I had other illnesses like diabetes, heart disease, a broken leg -no.
To reach those who are adept at covering up their symptoms my preference is for general education. What about signs/ pictures on the back of toilet doors, or on charts in the office ( a bit like the food pyramids) with 5 steps to a good mental outlook:
1. Eat well
2. Sleep well
3. Exercise every day
4. Socialise
5. Maintain a good balance
Pictures to illustrate the above, like those in the book _ I had a black dog - would get the message across that it is worthwhile to look after yourself physically and that it has a positive impact on your mental health.
I don’t think I’ve addressed your questions very well but hope the above helps.
Cheers
Jan Bull
1. Can you suggest any improvements to this approach?
Once a Manager or Employee is aware that someone has been diagnosed with a Mental Illness (or exhibits most symptoms) I would refer them to a booklet called ‘Workers with Mental Illness: A Practical Guide for Managers’ which has recently been put out by the Australian Human Rights Commission.
Alison
Hi Graeme
Have you seen the the Australian Human Rights Commission’s Workers with Mental Illness: a Practical Guide for Managers, 2010
http://www.humanrights.gov.au/disability_rights/publications/workers_mental_illness_guide.html
It is very good.
Cheers. Julie
Hi Graeme,
Just one thing I thought it might be useful to add. If possible, managers/team leaders broaching the topic with employees should reassure them that they will be supported, and won’t lose their job if they admit to feeling down or having trouble coping.
I didn’t tell anyone at my work that I was struggling with depression for a long time because I was terrified that it would be the end of my career. If employees know that they can keep their job it may make them much more comfortable about disclosing problems they may have.
Jenny
Hi Jenny, Julie, Alison, Jan, Cherrie and Sara,
Some wonderful input and suggestions thank. I think the reasssurance that it is OK to admit you are living with depression and not feel that your job is jeopardised and your career over, by that disclosure is very important.
As highlighted above, I was aware of the AHRC resource recently released and it is excellent. It really lets people (and managers) be aware of their rights under the legislation.
Once again thank you for your input and if anything else comes to mind, please revisit the blog.
Kind Regards
Graeme