When “BACK FROM THE BRINK: Australians tell their story of overcoming depression” was launched in 2007, I was fortunate that it generated a lot of publicity and I found myself having contact with the general public through talk back radio, book signings, and talks. What truly surprised me was that about 70% of the people who spoke with me were the loved ones of someone living with depression – I thought it would be those with depression. I came to understand that these people were quite desperate to get quality information about how best to assist to person who was struggling. They were also struggling with their own mental health whilst trying to support someone else. That lead me to write “BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO: Helping a loved one overcome depression” which became SANE Australia’s 2009 Book of the Year.

A couple of weeks ago I was in Brisbane delivering a session called BEATING DEPRESSION TOGETHER designed for those with depression and their loved ones. It was once again reinforced how isolated and alone these loved ones feel.

I advocate four things to keep in mind when you discover that a loved one is depressed:

1. learn about depression types and effective treatments
2. help find competent professionals for them
3. It’s not your fault
4. Take care of yourself – you can’t sustain care if you burn yourself out.

I go into a lot of depth into each of these in BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO.

Where can depression caregivers get emotional support?

ARAFMI – Association for the Relatives and Friends of the Mentally Ill

This group has been around for a long time and from anecdotal feedback, it appears that its support groups appear to be more focussed towards those supporting someone with a chronic illness such as schizophrenia. In their resources section they do have a very good overview of legislation pertaining to carers. They have support groups and discussion forum – including “living with a husband with anxiety and depression”.

Carers NSW

There is a Carer’s group in each state – each with a separate website. This group is targeted to all carers – not just those with a loved one with a mental illness. Having said that, because mental illness is a significant area they have dedicated group focussed on the needs of this community. They have a good listing of information and resources for carers. They also have a 6 carer phases interactive course.

Partners in Depression

I really like what I hear about this group. My friend Lucy Brogden is the patron for the organisation and first brought it to my attention. It is run by the not for profit Hunter Institute of Mental Health and the development of the course was jointly funded by beyondblue. It has also received some funding from NIB Health Fund.

Their centre piece is the Partners in Depression Program.

Partners in Depression is a group education program designed to address the information and support needs of those who care for or love a person experiencing depression. It is a six session program run by two facilitators in community settings.  

The six session format of the program includes coverage of the following topics:

• Session 1 - Introductions and building awareness
• Session 2 - Insight to caring, understanding depression and its treatments
• Session 3 - The caring and support experience
• Session 4 - The support experience and introduction to cognitive behaviour therapy
• Session 5 - Suicidality, self harm and communication strategies
• Session 6 - Help seeking, support and resources and planning for the future

I really like the fact that it has been developed knowing the significant stress that is placed on a caregiver and it provides practical steps. They have developed a train the trainer model which means there are now a number of groups run around Australia.

What’s been your experience?

Have you tried any of these groups? What’s been your experience? Have you found other places to get emotional support? How do you sustain your energy?

Kind Regards

Graeme Cowan

Tags: back from the brink, depression, effective depression treatments, graeme cowan, natural depression treatments, overcoming depression, partners in depression, partners with depression

In the lead up to ANZAC  Day this year I had the opportunity to speak with a couple of veterans – one from WWII and one from the conflict in Afghanistan. Both confirmed that they had experienced a lot of stress when returning to Australia yet both said they found it very hard to talk with their colleagues about their anxiety.  Although I have never been into battle, I could closely relate to their apprehension of admitting a “weakness”.

While my wife slept beside me, and my young daughter was in the next room, I made the incredible decision to choose death. I didn’t even know what clinical depression was the first time I tried to take my own life. I was 31 years old and by all appearances had a successful life. I was married and had a one year old child and had recently moved into a new home. I had a successful career in sales and marketing but had just taken a career fork, moving into recruitment. Whilst I was enjoying my new role, I really hadn’t had enough time to excel at it, and I was accustomed to doing well at that to which I applied myself.

The uncertainty I was feeling about my career filled me with anxiety. I had continuous tension in my back that wouldn’t go away. Worse than the physical symptoms were the dark thoughts that wouldn’t go away. I saw myself as a failure and my self esteem plummeted. I would be wide awake at 3.30am, staring at the ceiling. I don’t know why I couldn’t reach out and tell someone how bad I was feeling – but I couldn’t. I felt that a man should be on top of life and vainly tried to think positive thoughts – but nothing changed. The early morning waking would leave me drained and hardly capable of working a full day, but I forced myself to keep going and the cycle of decline continued.

Since that momentous night 21 years ago, I have often reflected on why men find it so difficult to ask for help when they are experiencing tough times.

A lot has happened since then  – I’ve had other severe depressive episodes, been divorced, lost my job, written a book - BACK FROM THE BRINK, and now speak regularly on how people can bounce back and thrive from challenging times.  I’m now very grateful to lead a fulfilling and very happy life.

One of the most common questions that is asked at my seminars is “How do I get my husband/boyfriend/male to seek help when he so obviously needs it?”

The numbers don’t lie

Australian men have a life expectancy of 79 years versus 84 years for women.  They account for 78% of suicides, 77% of accidental drowning, 75% of motor vehicle accident deaths, and 67% of melanoma deaths, 67% of lung related deaths, 62% deaths due to cancerous tumours, and 61% of deaths due to heart disease. In the last year 25% of men haven’t seen a doctor compared with 10% of women.

Why is this so?

 It is clear that women are healthier than men, but why this is so is not clear. One of the most credited theories is that men have been socialized to self sufficient and encouraged by our culture to be tough. Many men believe that complaining of feeling ill or visiting the doctor is a threat to their masculinity or a waste of time, unless they are sick or injured.

In a recent survey conducted by Harris Interactive of 1,100 men for the American Academy of Family Physicians, 58% of men said they were reluctant to see a doctor. When asked why the two main reasons were:

·         I only go to the doctor if I am extremely sick: 36%

·         I am healthy, I have no reason to go to a doctor: 23%

The problem with this philosophy is that little problems have the habit of turning into big problems if they are ignored.

Of the men, nearly 80% said their spouse/significant other influences their decision to go to the doctor.

How do we start to influence males to visit their doctors more frequently?

Guiding Principles

Be sensitive to the male ego. I remember my wife being totally perplexed and wondering why I had not discussed my absolute despair with her prior to making an attempt on my life. Accept that for many men it is very hard to talk about emotions and feelings of doubt and inadequacy. It is best to talk about behaviour rather than threaten his self-esteem.

Try multiple choice. If a man has difficulty discussing feelings, he may respond better to multiple choice. For example, ‘Are you feeling worried, sad or angry right now?’

Affirm his competence. Again, remember the male ego. You could say, ‘I have always been impressed with how well you have managed so many things’.

Structuring the conversation

Break the ice

Discuss the weather, friends, family etc in a private place – walking outside is ideal.

Non Judgemental Questions

For example, you could say, ‘I’m concerned about you waking up at 4 am and not being able to get back to sleep. What are the things that are causing you to lose sleep? Why does that worry you so much? What do you think can be done about it? Have you considered asking someone else for help/advice?’ If they are struggling to come up with answers, then this might be the time to suggest strategies or someone they could talk to.

Encourage Action

Remember that nothing happens until someone moves. If you have a regular GP you should offer to make an appointment for them (and accompany them if they are willing).If they strongly resist going to the GP you could suggest they do an anonymous online depression test at www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

Subscribe to the Strive2ThriveTV YouTube Channel

I have established a YouTube Channel that provides some further background to my research.

Some of the videos include:

1.       Resilience Guiding Principle One – The Moodometer

2.       Resilience Guiding Principle Two – Strive2Thrive Roadmap

3.       Resilience Guiding Principle Three – Taking Action

4.       Resilience Guiding Principle Four – Problem Solving

5.       What depression treatments really REALLY work

View Strive2ThriveTV

Join the BACK FROM THE BRINK FACEBOOK FAN PAGE

At this page you will find free downloadable pdf resources (over 40 available), videos and a community that is happy to share ideas and resources to bounce back and thrive from adversity and depression. Ask me any questions.

Join the Facebook Page

When Adversity Strikes, What Do You Do?

This Harvard Business Review article by Paul Soltz, tells how our core stories are about what happens when human beings and adversity collide. From those moments tragedies unravel and greatness is spawned. Adversity both destroys and elevates. It both strangles and sparks life.

What is your relationship with adversity? What role has it played in becoming who you are, in forging your essential character and mindset? How has it influenced your optimism, energy, opportunities, relationships, health, performance, capacity, and leaps of faith? Can you think of any force that has been more profoundly formative? Read More

 As always, if you have a comment about any of these topics please respond to the blog.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Graeme Cowan is an International Speaker and award winning Author of the BACK FROM THE BRINK book series who educates people on how to bounce back from challenging times.  www.GraemeCowan.com.au

Tags: anxiety, depression at work, depression treatments, mental health speaker, overcoming depression, resilience speaker, work stress

I’ve just had some exciting news that “BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO: Helping your loved one overcome depression” has been named SANE’S 2009 BOOK OF THE YEAR which is very humbling and gratifying at the same time.

After the success of my first book, it quickly became apparent that the family members of those suffering with depression were often desperate themselves. This lead to me researching over 700 depression caregivers and their loved ones, to find out exactly what questions they wanted answered. I’m sure this was a major reason why the book was nominated. I would like to sincerely thank those who participated in the research and of course my parents, who had faith in me when I had lost faith in myself.

FROM SANE’s PRESS RELEASE

SANE Australia Executive Director Barbara Hocking says family members of people with mental illness play an enormous role in providing care and support for people living with depression, as well as other forms of mental illness.

‘Not only does Back From The Brink Too provide much-needed practical guidance for family carers and raise awareness of the key role they play in helping to manage mental illness, but it also works to reduce the isolation many families experience,’ Ms Hocking said.

‘We are delighted to present the SANE Book of the Year Award to Mr Cowan for his contribution to helping the community better understand the experience of mental illness and its impact on families and friends’

Graeme Cowan says of the Award, ‘I am honoured and humbled that SANE Australia has recognised my book. Only after recovering from my own depression did I come to understand the tremendous toll that my illness caused my family.  I would like to dedicate this award to my loved ones and the two million other Australians that support those living with depression and anxiety.’

END OF RELEASE

What is more gratifying than the award is regularly receiving letters and email from people saying that both books have been a tremendous help to them.

If you know someone who is trying to support a loved one with depression, you might consider forwarding this email to them.

Further details regarding the book (and purchasing facility can be found at: www.DepressionCarer.com )

I am heading off to New York, Chicago and Los Angeles on May 25 to meet with Literary Agents and two major US Depression organisations with a view to doing US versions of both books. The award couldn’t have come at a better time.

Kind Regards

Graeme

www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com

Tags: depression book, depression caregiver, depression carer, depression help, depression treatments, overcoming depression

This is probably one of the most frequent requests I get, and it is extremely difficult to come up with an definitive answer because every situation is unique. Isobel’s heartfelt enquiry is typical.

QUESTION

Tags: caregiver, carer, depression, Emotional Support

The tragic news today of Richard Marslands suicide really brings home the point that we need to watch out for each other during this stressful period. Marsland was the popular co host of MMM Melbourne’s morning breakfast program.

Whilst we can never know what was going through his head, research shows that the Christmas period is often a very unpleasant time for lots of people. After a year of frenetic activity some people find they don’t always have the close friends and family that are portrayed in all the advertisements. Here are some thoughts to help get you grounded:

Step Back

While everyone tries to do a million things during these next 3 weeks it is important to take some time to step back from the activity and realise that you don’t “have to” do anything. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars or go to constant parties to be worthwhile. See the activity for what it is. Unfortunately much of the commercial world sees this period as an opportunity to get people to spend lots of money and to forget about the true meaning of Christmas. Make a list of what you have to do before Chistmas and really consider what is essential and what would be nice to do.

Experience the now

Try to find something that really allows you to experience the moment. What many of prophets have known for millenniums and which modern science is now just realising is that the capacity to live in the now is often the secret to a fulfilling life. This is the Buddhist concept of mindfulness. Psychology Today produced a wonderful, practical story called “Six Steps to living in the moment” http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-20081027-000001&print=1

Reach out

In this time of 24/7 activity many of us forget to take time to reach out to others when they are having a hard time or if we are experiencing difficulties. In the 12 Step mental health program GROW there is a saying that “Friendship is the special key to mental health”. Through my own experiences, I am totally convinced this is the case. When you care for another it often takes you outside your own issues. “To have a friend, be a friend.”

Value yourself and others

“As I am healed and harmonized by responding to the offer of true friendship, so the measure of my maturity is my capacity to be a true friend.” GROW saying www.grow.net.au Connecting with others really helps with loneliness and sometimes we forget to give this the priority it deserves.

If anyone else has any suggestions or thoughts about how to make this period less lonely or stressful please respond to this blog. 

Look out for each other.

Kind Regards

Graeme

www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com

Tags: back from the brink, depression, graeme cowan, stress, suicide

In an article I just posted in the news section of www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com called the The Great Male Meltdown it laments the poor record men have in seeing a doctor when something is not going right . It highlights the much higher death rate each year for men versus women from cancer and heart disease. The article argues that men have evolved from a time when the emphasis in life was to secure food for the table and anything that took them away from that was not good.

Why won’t men discuss depression?

When you bring depression and anxiety disorders into the picture the story only gets worse. I can speak from first hand experience when I say that in 1989 I was so ashamed to be not coping with life. This kept me from seeing a doctor and discussing the insomnia, anxiety, lethargy, and black thoughts. Due to the ever increasing spiral downwards I became convinced that there was no hope of me getting better and I thought I would be doing everyone a favour to end my life. Thankfully I was unsuccessful but I know even today that many men are making this same mistake.

It’s happening in rural area’s as well

I spoke at a small Queensland town called Murgon last week. The town had organised the event because they had been rocked by a recent spate of male suicides. I spoke afterwards with a surviving family of one of these tragedies and they were still so distraught that there son hadn’t reached out to them. When you are that depressed, the depression tells you that you will never get better again, and that is why you need to confide in others to give you perspective.

Please seek help

Depression is eminently treatable. I really believe that I was spared my suicide attempts to spread the message that you can recover from depression and go on to lead a very fulfilling life - for details of my path out of 5 years of hell see http://www.iambackfromthebrink.com/eBook.html 

Don’t believe you are doing anyone a favour by not seeking help

Depression is potentially a life threatening illness. If you think your family is better off without you - you are 1000% wrong. I have spoken to many families who have been devasted by a loved one’s suicide. They punish themselves by always questioning what they missed. It makes me shudder when I think of how close I came to putting my own family through that.

If you are not coping, please, please see your GP.

If you are feeling suicidal call the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 where you can have 5x 50 minute sessions with a trained counsellor for free.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: anxiety disorders, depression, suicide

Well the official launch happened on Tuesday September 9th at the Black Dog Institute in Randwick. It was a beautiful day and the room was filled to capacity.

The launch was MC’ed by Professor Gordon Parker, the Executive Director of the Black Dog Institute who brought us quickly up to date with some of the fantastic work the Institute is doing. One fantastic initiative they have is a computerised model called the Mood Assessment Program (MAP). This allows doctors to access the clinical expertise of the BDI. The patient fills out a computer based questionnaire that takes about an hour to complete. This then produces a diagnosis and treatment plan. It is in it’s pilot stage and is currently limited to NSW doctors but it will then be rolled out.

Professor Parker then introduced Elena Katrakis, CEO of Carers NSW who spoke on a macro level of the the extraordinary work being done by carers. She explained that their are over 2.5 million caregivers in Australia and their contribution is mostly hidden.

Professor Parker then introduced Lucy Brogden to launch BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO.  Lucy spoke with honesty and compassion about the role carers play. She then spoke very personally about the roller coaster of emotions she experienced when trying to help her husband John in his battle with depression.

The audience laughed at her attempts to medicate John by feeding him foods with high levels of serotonin such as bananas and pumpkin seeds. She then disclosed that it would take 20 kg of bananas per day to be a therapeutic dose. The amusing anecdote highlighted the length many carers go to to try to help.

Lucy stressed the importance of self care and having “me time” in order to ensure on can sustain the help to a loved one long term. It was a brilliant speech which really touched those who heard it with it’s humility and honesty and genuine desire to help.

See www.DepressionCarer.com

Finally it was my turn to talk and thank those who had helped make BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO a reality. This included the BDI, Carers NSW, the generous caregivers who had completed the survey that became the driving force behind the content of the book and many others from the mental health area too numerous to mention.

I then thanked my carers - my ex wife Susan, and my siblings. My most heartfelt thanks was reserved for my parents, Alan and Judy Cowan, who looked after me for 18 months when I couldn’t look after myself. My two books would never have happened if they hadn’t hung in there. I owe them everything.

Afterwards we enjoyed a lovely light in the courtyard. It was a proud moment after a year of research and hard work.

Full details of BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO can be found at www.DepressionCarer.com

Tonight I am in Melbourne for the Victorian launch  which has been organised by www.grow.net.au

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: back from the brink too, depression caregiver, depression carer, graeme cowan

The launch week for BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO is almost here. After a year of researching, writing, and gently prodding along, my new baby is about to greet the world. It’s a very exciting yet stressful time and I have had to be sensitive to ensuring my own mental health is not compromised with all the activity.

The publicity process has been underway for some time and yesterday I had two interviews. The first was with my local paper, the Northside Courier and then Lucy Brogden and I had a pre recorded interview with ABC’s radio National. It was a real honour to appear with Lucy as she is so passionate and articulate on the subject of caring for a loved one with depression.

The major events to occur in the next week or so are as follows:

Monday September 8

Sunrise Channel 7, 8.15am approx – Lucy and I to be interviewed

ABC Radio National, 9.15am approx – Lucy and I to be interviewed

Kerri Anne Channel 9. 9.45am approx – Lucy and I to be interviewed

Tuesday September 9

Sydneylaunch 11.00am Blackdog Institute Randwick

Thursday September 11

Melbourne launch

Saturday September 13

11.00am - Book signing Shelley’s bookshop, 731 Pacific Hwy, Gordon (Sydney)

Wednesday  September 17

ABC Radio NSW and QLD, 1 hour interview on Conversation Hour

Keep an eye on your inbox on Monday morning as a have a wonderful free resource to share with you.

Can I ask you a favour?

Next time your near a book shop can you ask them if they have BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO in as you’ve heard it is excellent.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: depression, depression caregiver, depresssion carer, Emotional Support

In research I conducted for BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO (launched September 9) many parents expressed concern about how their partner’s depression was impacting on their children.

Children are very perceptive and you need to keep a close eye to see how they are coping. It is an area where it is very hard to find any advice and I had a researcher search the world to find great practical information. Believe it or not we found the best advice on our own doorstep. Northern Sydney Area Health put together a booklet put together by Northern Sydney Area Health called “Support for carers, family, and friends: Uncharted Waters”.

Whilst there is not enough time to fully outline all their recommendations, they stressed that children should be reassured of the following:

1.       It’s not their fault – children often believe that they may have caused the illness and it is important that they be reassured of that point.

2.       The illness is not catching – They may not bring it up but fear of catching the illness is very real for children. Explain that all causes are not known but it is definitely not contagious.

3.       What will happen next – This may not be completely clear yet, but explain to them to the best of your understanding, who will take care of them and what will happen to the unwell person.

Signs to look out for

Some of the signs that a child may not be coping are:

·          Inability to get along with other children

·          Marked fall in the level of school work

·          Change in usual sleeping and eating patterns

·          Marked weight gain or loss

·          Reluctance to go to school

·          Fearfulness

·          Restlessness

·          Excessive disobedience

·          Social withdrawal

If you are concerned about the safety and wellbeing of a child, or if symptoms are lasting more that a few weeks, seek professional help. A good place to start is your GP or the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (or equivalent) at you local area health service. Kids Helpline may also give you some guidance- 1800 55 800.

In BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO, we then provide individual advice for Pre School Aged and Younger Children, Primary School Aged Children, and Adolescents.

There is also an excellent guide and checklist by COMIC (Children of Mentally Ill Consumers/Parents)

http://www.nscchealth.nsw.gov.au/carersupport/fami/copmiresources/003747278.pdf

Best wishes and my love and support in taking care of this important group.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: adolescents, anxiety, children, depression, support

All the research I have done stresses how important it is to have the emotional support from family and friends when we are going through depression.

What I have come to realise however, is the tremendous toll this takes on carers. In research I did for BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO (Available September 9 in bookstores) I found out quite clearly the extent of the burden. Below is one of the questions I asked:

This really reinforced to me how important it is that carers look after themselves, as well as their loved one. This sometimes means finding professional help such as a psychologist or therapist or building personal support through family and friends.

This topic is so important that I dedicate two chapters to it as well as an extensive resources section just for carers.

If you go to the News section of www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com you will find a couple of excellent recent articles on relieving stress and taming the worry habit.

Eliminating Stress

Essentially these articles says that:

1.  With any problem you first need to accurately define what you are concerned about.
2. Is it a problem worth devoting time to? - you can’t solve everything - only invest your time in the important things that you can do something about
3. What would make the problem go away?
4. Brainstorm solutions - be creative - ask friends
5. Decide on your course of action
6. Take action

85% of worries don’t happen

In another study, chronic worriers were asked to carry around a notebook and record everything they stewed about for two weeks. Astonishly, 85% of things that they spent lots of time worrying about didn’t happen.

I’m not trying to minimise the overwhelming nature of depression, but what I am trying to do is to encourage those living with depression and their carers to analyze their concerns and take action against the important issues.

Kind Regards

Graeme