I’ve just had some exciting news that “BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO: Helping your loved one overcome depression” has been named SANE’S 2009 BOOK OF THE YEAR which is very humbling and gratifying at the same time.

After the success of my first book, it quickly became apparent that the family members of those suffering with depression were often desperate themselves. This lead to me researching over 700 depression caregivers and their loved ones, to find out exactly what questions they wanted answered. I’m sure this was a major reason why the book was nominated. I would like to sincerely thank those who participated in the research and of course my parents, who had faith in me when I had lost faith in myself.

FROM SANE’s PRESS RELEASE

SANE Australia Executive Director Barbara Hocking says family members of people with mental illness play an enormous role in providing care and support for people living with depression, as well as other forms of mental illness.

‘Not only does Back From The Brink Too provide much-needed practical guidance for family carers and raise awareness of the key role they play in helping to manage mental illness, but it also works to reduce the isolation many families experience,’ Ms Hocking said.

‘We are delighted to present the SANE Book of the Year Award to Mr Cowan for his contribution to helping the community better understand the experience of mental illness and its impact on families and friends’

Graeme Cowan says of the Award, ‘I am honoured and humbled that SANE Australia has recognised my book. Only after recovering from my own depression did I come to understand the tremendous toll that my illness caused my family.  I would like to dedicate this award to my loved ones and the two million other Australians that support those living with depression and anxiety.’

END OF RELEASE

What is more gratifying than the award is regularly receiving letters and email from people saying that both books have been a tremendous help to them.

If you know someone who is trying to support a loved one with depression, you might consider forwarding this email to them.

Further details regarding the book (and purchasing facility can be found at: www.DepressionCarer.com )

I am heading off to New York, Chicago and Los Angeles on May 25 to meet with Literary Agents and two major US Depression organisations with a view to doing US versions of both books. The award couldn’t have come at a better time.

Kind Regards

Graeme

www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com

Tags: depression book, depression caregiver, depression carer, depression help, depression treatments, overcoming depression

This is probably one of the most frequent requests I get, and it is extremely difficult to come up with an definitive answer because every situation is unique. Isobel’s heartfelt enquiry is typical.

QUESTION

Tags: caregiver, carer, depression, Emotional Support

The tragic news today of Richard Marslands suicide really brings home the point that we need to watch out for each other during this stressful period. Marsland was the popular co host of MMM Melbourne’s morning breakfast program.

Whilst we can never know what was going through his head, research shows that the Christmas period is often a very unpleasant time for lots of people. After a year of frenetic activity some people find they don’t always have the close friends and family that are portrayed in all the advertisements. Here are some thoughts to help get you grounded:

Step Back

While everyone tries to do a million things during these next 3 weeks it is important to take some time to step back from the activity and realise that you don’t “have to” do anything. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars or go to constant parties to be worthwhile. See the activity for what it is. Unfortunately much of the commercial world sees this period as an opportunity to get people to spend lots of money and to forget about the true meaning of Christmas. Make a list of what you have to do before Chistmas and really consider what is essential and what would be nice to do.

Experience the now

Try to find something that really allows you to experience the moment. What many of prophets have known for millenniums and which modern science is now just realising is that the capacity to live in the now is often the secret to a fulfilling life. This is the Buddhist concept of mindfulness. Psychology Today produced a wonderful, practical story called “Six Steps to living in the moment” http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-20081027-000001&print=1

Reach out

In this time of 24/7 activity many of us forget to take time to reach out to others when they are having a hard time or if we are experiencing difficulties. In the 12 Step mental health program GROW there is a saying that “Friendship is the special key to mental health”. Through my own experiences, I am totally convinced this is the case. When you care for another it often takes you outside your own issues. “To have a friend, be a friend.”

Value yourself and others

“As I am healed and harmonized by responding to the offer of true friendship, so the measure of my maturity is my capacity to be a true friend.” GROW saying www.grow.net.au Connecting with others really helps with loneliness and sometimes we forget to give this the priority it deserves.

If anyone else has any suggestions or thoughts about how to make this period less lonely or stressful please respond to this blog. 

Look out for each other.

Kind Regards

Graeme

www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com

Tags: back from the brink, depression, graeme cowan, stress, suicide

In an article I just posted in the news section of www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com called the The Great Male Meltdown it laments the poor record men have in seeing a doctor when something is not going right . It highlights the much higher death rate each year for men versus women from cancer and heart disease. The article argues that men have evolved from a time when the emphasis in life was to secure food for the table and anything that took them away from that was not good.

Why won’t men discuss depression?

When you bring depression and anxiety disorders into the picture the story only gets worse. I can speak from first hand experience when I say that in 1989 I was so ashamed to be not coping with life. This kept me from seeing a doctor and discussing the insomnia, anxiety, lethargy, and black thoughts. Due to the ever increasing spiral downwards I became convinced that there was no hope of me getting better and I thought I would be doing everyone a favour to end my life. Thankfully I was unsuccessful but I know even today that many men are making this same mistake.

It’s happening in rural area’s as well

I spoke at a small Queensland town called Murgon last week. The town had organised the event because they had been rocked by a recent spate of male suicides. I spoke afterwards with a surviving family of one of these tragedies and they were still so distraught that there son hadn’t reached out to them. When you are that depressed, the depression tells you that you will never get better again, and that is why you need to confide in others to give you perspective.

Please seek help

Depression is eminently treatable. I really believe that I was spared my suicide attempts to spread the message that you can recover from depression and go on to lead a very fulfilling life - for details of my path out of 5 years of hell see http://www.iambackfromthebrink.com/eBook.html 

Don’t believe you are doing anyone a favour by not seeking help

Depression is potentially a life threatening illness. If you think your family is better off without you - you are 1000% wrong. I have spoken to many families who have been devasted by a loved one’s suicide. They punish themselves by always questioning what they missed. It makes me shudder when I think of how close I came to putting my own family through that.

If you are not coping, please, please see your GP.

If you are feeling suicidal call the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 where you can have 5x 50 minute sessions with a trained counsellor for free.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: anxiety disorders, depression, suicide

Well the official launch happened on Tuesday September 9th at the Black Dog Institute in Randwick. It was a beautiful day and the room was filled to capacity.

The launch was MC’ed by Professor Gordon Parker, the Executive Director of the Black Dog Institute who brought us quickly up to date with some of the fantastic work the Institute is doing. One fantastic initiative they have is a computerised model called the Mood Assessment Program (MAP). This allows doctors to access the clinical expertise of the BDI. The patient fills out a computer based questionnaire that takes about an hour to complete. This then produces a diagnosis and treatment plan. It is in it’s pilot stage and is currently limited to NSW doctors but it will then be rolled out.

Professor Parker then introduced Elena Katrakis, CEO of Carers NSW who spoke on a macro level of the the extraordinary work being done by carers. She explained that their are over 2.5 million caregivers in Australia and their contribution is mostly hidden.

Professor Parker then introduced Lucy Brogden to launch BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO.  Lucy spoke with honesty and compassion about the role carers play. She then spoke very personally about the roller coaster of emotions she experienced when trying to help her husband John in his battle with depression.

The audience laughed at her attempts to medicate John by feeding him foods with high levels of serotonin such as bananas and pumpkin seeds. She then disclosed that it would take 20 kg of bananas per day to be a therapeutic dose. The amusing anecdote highlighted the length many carers go to to try to help.

Lucy stressed the importance of self care and having “me time” in order to ensure on can sustain the help to a loved one long term. It was a brilliant speech which really touched those who heard it with it’s humility and honesty and genuine desire to help.

See www.DepressionCarer.com

Finally it was my turn to talk and thank those who had helped make BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO a reality. This included the BDI, Carers NSW, the generous caregivers who had completed the survey that became the driving force behind the content of the book and many others from the mental health area too numerous to mention.

I then thanked my carers - my ex wife Susan, and my siblings. My most heartfelt thanks was reserved for my parents, Alan and Judy Cowan, who looked after me for 18 months when I couldn’t look after myself. My two books would never have happened if they hadn’t hung in there. I owe them everything.

Afterwards we enjoyed a lovely light in the courtyard. It was a proud moment after a year of research and hard work.

Full details of BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO can be found at www.DepressionCarer.com

Tonight I am in Melbourne for the Victorian launch  which has been organised by www.grow.net.au

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: back from the brink too, depression caregiver, depression carer, graeme cowan

The launch week for BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO is almost here. After a year of researching, writing, and gently prodding along, my new baby is about to greet the world. It’s a very exciting yet stressful time and I have had to be sensitive to ensuring my own mental health is not compromised with all the activity.

The publicity process has been underway for some time and yesterday I had two interviews. The first was with my local paper, the Northside Courier and then Lucy Brogden and I had a pre recorded interview with ABC’s radio National. It was a real honour to appear with Lucy as she is so passionate and articulate on the subject of caring for a loved one with depression.

The major events to occur in the next week or so are as follows:

Monday September 8

Sunrise Channel 7, 8.15am approx – Lucy and I to be interviewed

ABC Radio National, 9.15am approx – Lucy and I to be interviewed

Kerri Anne Channel 9. 9.45am approx – Lucy and I to be interviewed

Tuesday September 9

Sydneylaunch 11.00am Blackdog Institute Randwick

Thursday September 11

Melbourne launch

Saturday September 13

11.00am - Book signing Shelley’s bookshop, 731 Pacific Hwy, Gordon (Sydney)

Wednesday  September 17

ABC Radio NSW and QLD, 1 hour interview on Conversation Hour

Keep an eye on your inbox on Monday morning as a have a wonderful free resource to share with you.

Can I ask you a favour?

Next time your near a book shop can you ask them if they have BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO in as you’ve heard it is excellent.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: depression, depression caregiver, depresssion carer, Emotional Support

In research I conducted for BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO (launched September 9) many parents expressed concern about how their partner’s depression was impacting on their children.

Children are very perceptive and you need to keep a close eye to see how they are coping. It is an area where it is very hard to find any advice and I had a researcher search the world to find great practical information. Believe it or not we found the best advice on our own doorstep. Northern Sydney Area Health put together a booklet put together by Northern Sydney Area Health called “Support for carers, family, and friends: Uncharted Waters”.

Whilst there is not enough time to fully outline all their recommendations, they stressed that children should be reassured of the following:

1.       It’s not their fault – children often believe that they may have caused the illness and it is important that they be reassured of that point.

2.       The illness is not catching – They may not bring it up but fear of catching the illness is very real for children. Explain that all causes are not known but it is definitely not contagious.

3.       What will happen next – This may not be completely clear yet, but explain to them to the best of your understanding, who will take care of them and what will happen to the unwell person.

Signs to look out for

Some of the signs that a child may not be coping are:

·          Inability to get along with other children

·          Marked fall in the level of school work

·          Change in usual sleeping and eating patterns

·          Marked weight gain or loss

·          Reluctance to go to school

·          Fearfulness

·          Restlessness

·          Excessive disobedience

·          Social withdrawal

If you are concerned about the safety and wellbeing of a child, or if symptoms are lasting more that a few weeks, seek professional help. A good place to start is your GP or the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (or equivalent) at you local area health service. Kids Helpline may also give you some guidance- 1800 55 800.

In BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO, we then provide individual advice for Pre School Aged and Younger Children, Primary School Aged Children, and Adolescents.

There is also an excellent guide and checklist by COMIC (Children of Mentally Ill Consumers/Parents)

http://www.nscchealth.nsw.gov.au/carersupport/fami/copmiresources/003747278.pdf

Best wishes and my love and support in taking care of this important group.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: adolescents, anxiety, children, depression, support

All the research I have done stresses how important it is to have the emotional support from family and friends when we are going through depression.

What I have come to realise however, is the tremendous toll this takes on carers. In research I did for BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO (Available September 9 in bookstores) I found out quite clearly the extent of the burden. Below is one of the questions I asked:

This really reinforced to me how important it is that carers look after themselves, as well as their loved one. This sometimes means finding professional help such as a psychologist or therapist or building personal support through family and friends.

This topic is so important that I dedicate two chapters to it as well as an extensive resources section just for carers.

If you go to the News section of www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com you will find a couple of excellent recent articles on relieving stress and taming the worry habit.

Eliminating Stress

Essentially these articles says that:

1.  With any problem you first need to accurately define what you are concerned about.
2. Is it a problem worth devoting time to? - you can’t solve everything - only invest your time in the important things that you can do something about
3. What would make the problem go away?
4. Brainstorm solutions - be creative - ask friends
5. Decide on your course of action
6. Take action

85% of worries don’t happen

In another study, chronic worriers were asked to carry around a notebook and record everything they stewed about for two weeks. Astonishly, 85% of things that they spent lots of time worrying about didn’t happen.

I’m not trying to minimise the overwhelming nature of depression, but what I am trying to do is to encourage those living with depression and their carers to analyze their concerns and take action against the important issues.

Kind Regards

Graeme

In my role as an organiser for GROW - a 12 step support group for people with mental illness issues - www.grow.net.au - I am continually reminded of how insurmountable the black hole of depression can be. This is highlighted when new people come who have reached the end of their tether. I can so easily relate to them because it wasn’t that long ago that I was there myself.

The value of personal testimonies

One the most potent things to give them hope is when they hear another describe how they were once in that same situation but now are feeling so much more stronger and capable. There is something about an authentic story that moves the heart. I have pleasure in telling newcomers of the many examples people who came to GROW broken but who now are back working full time.

What exactly are you troubled by?

This is something we endeavour to find out from our members when they are struggling. Often when you are depressed everything seems overwhelming, but we try to encourage people to identify their major worry.

Is it likely, probable, or only possible?

So often we worry about things that never happen and this question seeks to identify what is worth investing time trying to solve and what can be forgotten for the moment. Often with the benefit of other’s perspectives, something that has been really troubling someone can be reduced to the imposter it really is.

How important is it?

Is it something worth investing time in to solve or is it not worth spending another moment on.

What shall I do about it?

In GROW we try to concentrate on one problem at a time - usually something that is likely to happen and that you have some control over. We then brainstorm some potential solutions and endeavour to get the person to chose the most appropriate course of action for them.

Emotional Support

What people often find very beneficial about GROW is the support they get from those around them. You don’t have to explain what depression or anxiety feels like as most members have personally experienced these illnesses. When someone shares a problem, and then agrees to undertake a practical task to address it, we usually organise for another member to call them during the week to see how they are going. This emotional support is hugely beneficial.

Support groups like GROW can be a god send for people who are really struggling - particularly if they don’t have friends or family to confide in.

BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO: Helping your loved one overcome depression

In research I did for my latest book, Back From The Brink Too (available September 9, 2008), which is for the loved ones of people with depression, many carers recounted how hard it was for them to find emotional support for them. I have suggested many strategies of where carers can find emotional support.

If you have a story about a support group. I would love to hear from you.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: anxiety, depression, problems, stress, support groups

In research I did for “Back from the Brink Too” I was amazed at how many women were at a loss as to how to encourage their men to see a doctor when it appeared they were showing all the classic signs of depression. Either the man would point blank refuse to see a doctor, or they would assert there was nothing wrong. Having gone through a severe depression myself and tried to pretend there was nothing wrong I have some thoughts on this topic.

Men are socialised to be self sufficient

I remember my then wife, being totally perplexed as to why I had not discussed my absolute despair with her prior to making an attempt on my life. I really believed at the time, that a man should be able to sort out their own crisis. Be sensitive to the male ego. Accept that for many men it is extremely hard to talk about emotions and feelings of inadequacy and doubt. It is best to talk about behaviour rather that threaten his self esteem. For example you could say “I’m concerned that you are waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep again. I want you to know that I love you and I don’t want you feel under any pressure to discuss it now, but I’m here if there is anything you would like to talk about which is worrying you.”

Try multiple choice

Because a man often has difficulty talking about feelings, he may respond better to multiple choice. For example, “Are you feeling worried,sad, or angry right now?”

Affirm their competence

Again remember the male ego. You could say: “I have always been impressed with how well you have managed many things. I know at the moment you seem to be having some difficulty and I was wondering if there was anything I could do to ease your load?”

Engage in problem solving through asking the right questions

Let him appear to be in control. You could say: “I know you have many pressures on your time at the moment, what are the things that are causing you to lose sleep? What do you think can be done about it? Have you considered asking someone else for help/advice?” If they are struggling to come up with answers, then this might be the time to suggest strategies or someone they could talk to.

The power of the written word

If all else fails you might consider writing a letter following the guidelines outlined above. I have heard many examples of where a depressed person has responded to a letter where all previous attempts to discuss the same thing have drawn a blank.

If you have found a strategy that you have found helpful when talking to a man about depression, I would love to hear from you.

Tags: depression, emiotional support, men