In my role as an organiser for GROW - a 12 step support group for people with mental illness issues - www.grow.net.au - I am continually reminded of how insurmountable the black hole of depression can be. This is highlighted when new people come who have reached the end of their tether. I can so easily relate to them because it wasn’t that long ago that I was there myself.

The value of personal testimonies

One the most potent things to give them hope is when they hear another describe how they were once in that same situation but now are feeling so much more stronger and capable. There is something about an authentic story that moves the heart. I have pleasure in telling newcomers of the many examples people who came to GROW broken but who now are back working full time.

What exactly are you troubled by?

This is something we endeavour to find out from our members when they are struggling. Often when you are depressed everything seems overwhelming, but we try to encourage people to identify their major worry.

Is it likely, probable, or only possible?

So often we worry about things that never happen and this question seeks to identify what is worth investing time trying to solve and what can be forgotten for the moment. Often with the benefit of other’s perspectives, something that has been really troubling someone can be reduced to the imposter it really is.

How important is it?

Is it something worth investing time in to solve or is it not worth spending another moment on.

What shall I do about it?

In GROW we try to concentrate on one problem at a time - usually something that is likely to happen and that you have some control over. We then brainstorm some potential solutions and endeavour to get the person to chose the most appropriate course of action for them.

Emotional Support

What people often find very beneficial about GROW is the support they get from those around them. You don’t have to explain what depression or anxiety feels like as most members have personally experienced these illnesses. When someone shares a problem, and then agrees to undertake a practical task to address it, we usually organise for another member to call them during the week to see how they are going. This emotional support is hugely beneficial.

Support groups like GROW can be a god send for people who are really struggling - particularly if they don’t have friends or family to confide in.

BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO: Helping your loved one overcome depression

In research I did for my latest book, Back From The Brink Too (available September 9, 2008), which is for the loved ones of people with depression, many carers recounted how hard it was for them to find emotional support for them. I have suggested many strategies of where carers can find emotional support.

If you have a story about a support group. I would love to hear from you.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: anxiety, depression, problems, stress, support groups

In research I did for “Back from the Brink Too” I was amazed at how many women were at a loss as to how to encourage their men to see a doctor when it appeared they were showing all the classic signs of depression. Either the man would point blank refuse to see a doctor, or they would assert there was nothing wrong. Having gone through a severe depression myself and tried to pretend there was nothing wrong I have some thoughts on this topic.

Men are socialised to be self sufficient

I remember my then wife, being totally perplexed as to why I had not discussed my absolute despair with her prior to making an attempt on my life. I really believed at the time, that a man should be able to sort out their own crisis. Be sensitive to the male ego. Accept that for many men it is extremely hard to talk about emotions and feelings of inadequacy and doubt. It is best to talk about behaviour rather that threaten his self esteem. For example you could say “I’m concerned that you are waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep again. I want you to know that I love you and I don’t want you feel under any pressure to discuss it now, but I’m here if there is anything you would like to talk about which is worrying you.”

Try multiple choice

Because a man often has difficulty talking about feelings, he may respond better to multiple choice. For example, “Are you feeling worried,sad, or angry right now?”

Affirm their competence

Again remember the male ego. You could say: “I have always been impressed with how well you have managed many things. I know at the moment you seem to be having some difficulty and I was wondering if there was anything I could do to ease your load?”

Engage in problem solving through asking the right questions

Let him appear to be in control. You could say: “I know you have many pressures on your time at the moment, what are the things that are causing you to lose sleep? What do you think can be done about it? Have you considered asking someone else for help/advice?” If they are struggling to come up with answers, then this might be the time to suggest strategies or someone they could talk to.

The power of the written word

If all else fails you might consider writing a letter following the guidelines outlined above. I have heard many examples of where a depressed person has responded to a letter where all previous attempts to discuss the same thing have drawn a blank.

If you have found a strategy that you have found helpful when talking to a man about depression, I would love to hear from you.

Tags: depression, emiotional support, men

In a recent article from Psychology today it cites a study where group of women were allocated a volunteer “befriender” for a year to meet up with regularly for a chat, cup of tea, go to movies etc. After a year they found that 72% had experienced a remission from their depression compared to 45% for a control group. This also reinforces the research I did for “Back from the Brink’ which showed that support from family and friends was the second most important factor in people recovering from depression. For details of the story go to the news section of www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com (a free copy my research can also be downloaded there. When people are depressed they find it very difficult to reach out to others but there are some strategies can help address this which I’ll outline later.

May the best in life and love and happiness be ahead of you.

Graeme

Tags: , anxiety, depression, loneliness, stress

Over the last few days I have been going through the final editing stage for “Back From The Brink Too: 7 steps in helping your loved one in overcoming depression”. It gets quite tiring going through the same material time and again but I am very excited about the material that this will make available. The need for this material was brought home to me recently in the most dramatic way. I woman emailed me who heard I was writing the sequel to BFTB. She had heard John Brogden and I on Radio National on the day of the launch for the first book- June 13 2007. A friend had called to let her know it was on as she had a daughter who was suffering badly from depression. On that same day her beautiful daughter took her own life and totally devasted her. She was so frustrated at how difficult it was to navigate the mental health system as a carer. She couldn’t believe how doctors often left her out of the picture because of so called privacy issues. This was despite her daughter wanting to have her involved. She lamented that doctors are trying to make decisions with often only 30% of the information. This is at best short sighted and at worst bordering on negligence. Even though this beautiful lady did everything in her power to help her daughter she is still haunted by guilt and what might have been. She encouraged me to get the information out as it was so desperately needed. I really feel for her and other caregivers.

Graeme

Tags: , anxiety, carer, depression, guilt, mental illness

I have just finished writing “BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO: 7 Steps to help your loved one in overcoming depression”. It is quite an exhaustive process writing a book but I just felt so dedicated to the task by knowing how difficult it is to support someone with depression. As part of the process I interviewed over 200 carers and I was just struck with how difficult it is for them. Often they don’t feel they can discuss their situation with anyone and don’t really know where they can get help. I have found that there is quite a lot of help out there but it is very fragmented and difficult to find. Hopefully my book will go someway down the path of addressing this issue. What I also know is how important that support is for those living with depression. We need to act as a partnership to get the best result for both parties.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: , , depression, overcoming depression, support of loved ones