Aug 06 2008
Discussing suicide with someone who is depressed
There is a common myth that you shouldn’t discuss suicide with someone who is depressed. The rational is that you will put ideas into their head. I can speak with some authority on this subject as I have felt seriously suicidal for periods up to three years. I have also made four serious attempts on my life. During those periods, I was 100% certain that I would never feel normal again. I knew that I had overcome depression before but after four years of unrelenting hell no logic could convince me that I could do the same again.
My parents say in the foreword to BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO (launched September 9) that not asking me if I wanted to take my life was one of their greatest regrets. Thankfully, for all our sakes, I was unsuccessful. Many other distressed people have contacted me, who have lost a loved one to suicide. Their despair and guilt is palpable. They are continually asking themselves “What if I had done this?” “What if I had done that?” To those people I say that some people are determined to die no matter what you say to them.
Looking forward however, my advice to people supporting someone with depression, definitely would be to raise it, if you suspect the person is in crisis. There is not enough room here to go into all the warning signs here but it is something I cover comprehensively in a chapter titled “Surviving a Crisis” in the new book.
There is still so much stigma around the word suicide that I think this is one of the major reasons people find it difficult to raise.
Perhaps a less confronting way to ask the same thing is: “Are you thinking of harming yourself?” If the answer is in the affirmative, I would suggest asking them “If you had to rate your mood, where 1 is actively suicidal and 10 is 100% normal, where would you score yourself?”
If they rate themselves below 4, you need to quietly but firmly suggest that you take them to see a mental health professional.
If you have depression and are thinking of ending your life, my emphatic message would be that people do feel that there is absolutely no hope for them and go on to fully recover. You only have to read the stories of Kathy McMahon, Brian Egan, Sonia Attard, and even myself from my first book to see that. Details can be found at:
www.OvercomingYourDepression.com
If you are caring for someone who you think could be contemplating ending their life, I would strongly encourage you to raise it with them by asking the two questions above. I would also say to you that just because someone is feeling strongly suicidal, it doesn’t mean that they can’t make a 100% recovery. See:
www.OvercomingYourDepression.com
Suicide Call-back Service
In the process of researching BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO I came across this fabulous service called the “Suicide Call-back Service” which very few people are aware of. It is a free federally funded service for people contemplating suicide, their carers, and those bereaved by suicide. It is manned by trained counsellors and you can have up to five fifty minute phone consultations with the same person at a mutually agreed time.
This service operates 7 days a week from 10.00am til 8.30pm. The number is:
1300 659 467
If you know anyone that falls into the above 3 categories, please share this information with them.
Please don’t be afraid of raising the subject of suicide with someone who is depressed. If you know the depth of their crisis you can take some appropriate action.
Kind Regards
Graeme
