GUILT AND DEPRESSION

In the latest seminar series on beating depression I am running, a participant asked a very important question which is listed below. My response also follows. If you have any comments about your own experience with guilt and depression, please respond to this blog.

I was wondering if you would be talking about guilt at all? I was just about to send my question on guilt when you said your goodbyes, so serves me right for not having the courage to do it earlier. I just wondered…. what strategies do you have, if any, for coping with the guilt you feel when you aren’t able to do chores / tasks / exercising / all those things you’re supposed to do for yourself and others ? I find it’s so overwhelming. I sit there knowing I have something I’m meant to do, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t do it. Because I can’t, and don’t do it, the guilt then sets in, so I have that burden on top of the burden of knowledge of not completing what I was meant to.

Does that make sense? I find the guilt to be a real issue.

On the positive side, after week 1 of the seminar, I have committed to walking with my dogs. I managed two walks ( took the dogs along ! ) and made it to four walks in the second week. This is the third week but I haven’t been out YET…..I hope to get the four walks in though. So, thank you for that encouragement. I hope to add socialising because I’m a master at isolating myself. Working on that. My intention is to just do one thing at a time with the ultimate goal of getting well and back to work.

I trust you’re getting excellent feedback following each week’s seminar Graeme, and it’s good to hear you covering the needs of carers because the poor things really do work very hard. While I’m looking forward to next Tuesday, I am also very sad that it’s the last in the series. It’s been so beneficial.

Jenny, VIC

Dear Jenny,

 

Thank you for raising this issue.

Inactivity and guilt is so central to people living with depression. From my own experience with depression I know how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning.

 

Everyone’s situation is unique but I would like to make the following observations/suggestions:

 

BE GENTLE ON YOURSELF

Give yourself credit for what you are already doing. You have started exercising. If you miss a day, don’t bash yourself up, but just resolve to do it tomorrow. Depression drains you of your self esteem and it doesn’t serve any purpose to get more whips out to lash yourself. Besides it was unbelievably hot in Melbourne last week (and the tennis was on!!)

 

FOCUS ON ONE DAY AT A TIME BUT PLAN A WEEK AHEAD

This sounds a bit contradictory, but let me try to explain.

When we are not well, we can only see the million problems we have to solve to sort ourselves out but the truth of the matter is, that we only have today.

 

I found it very helpful in my recovery when I was asked to plan my week ahead – to work out when I would exercise and see other people. There was something about scheduling it with my carer in the diary that made it seem more definite. Knowing that I had to report back to them in a weeks time also made me more committed. Once that weekly schedule was worked out I then tried to only worry about the day.

 

TRY TO THINK OF WAYS TO GET YOU WALKING EACH DAY

Decide what time each day you are going to walk and stick to it..

Is there a friend who can accompany you on some of those days?

Try to be really observant on the walk.

Maybe consider keeping a walking log. What did you notice today? Were there any animals, birds, unusual scents, colours or sounds? If you went with a friend, what thoughts or feelings did you discuss?

 

Each day just focus on getting to the front gate. Getting there is at least 50% of the effort.

 

Make the daily walk the only thing you have to do this week. Having a walk often has an energising effect.. People with depression say it often serves two purposes. It gives them a sense of achievement for the day and it often enhances their mood. Both these outcomes are good for diminishing guilt. This then often provides the energy for other things (but you don’t have to do anything else).

This week try to walk for 6 days. Getting to the front gate counts as a walk.

 

OTHER RESOURCES

I found an excellent article on handling guilt at:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14689-handling-guilt/

 

 

Hang in there Jenny.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: depression, exercise, guilt, resilience