The tragic news today of Richard Marslands suicide really brings home the point that we need to watch out for each other during this stressful period. Marsland was the popular co host of MMM Melbourne’s morning breakfast program.

Whilst we can never know what was going through his head, research shows that the Christmas period is often a very unpleasant time for lots of people. After a year of frenetic activity some people find they don’t always have the close friends and family that are portrayed in all the advertisements. Here are some thoughts to help get you grounded:

Step Back

While everyone tries to do a million things during these next 3 weeks it is important to take some time to step back from the activity and realise that you don’t “have to” do anything. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars or go to constant parties to be worthwhile. See the activity for what it is. Unfortunately much of the commercial world sees this period as an opportunity to get people to spend lots of money and to forget about the true meaning of Christmas. Make a list of what you have to do before Chistmas and really consider what is essential and what would be nice to do.

Experience the now

Try to find something that really allows you to experience the moment. What many of prophets have known for millenniums and which modern science is now just realising is that the capacity to live in the now is often the secret to a fulfilling life. This is the Buddhist concept of mindfulness. Psychology Today produced a wonderful, practical story called “Six Steps to living in the moment” http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-20081027-000001&print=1

Reach out

In this time of 24/7 activity many of us forget to take time to reach out to others when they are having a hard time or if we are experiencing difficulties. In the 12 Step mental health program GROW there is a saying that “Friendship is the special key to mental health”. Through my own experiences, I am totally convinced this is the case. When you care for another it often takes you outside your own issues. “To have a friend, be a friend.”

Value yourself and others

“As I am healed and harmonized by responding to the offer of true friendship, so the measure of my maturity is my capacity to be a true friend.” GROW saying www.grow.net.au Connecting with others really helps with loneliness and sometimes we forget to give this the priority it deserves.

If anyone else has any suggestions or thoughts about how to make this period less lonely or stressful please respond to this blog. 

Look out for each other.

Kind Regards

Graeme

www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com

Tags: back from the brink, depression, graeme cowan, stress, suicide

In an article I just posted in the news section of www.IamBackFromTheBrink.com called the The Great Male Meltdown it laments the poor record men have in seeing a doctor when something is not going right . It highlights the much higher death rate each year for men versus women from cancer and heart disease. The article argues that men have evolved from a time when the emphasis in life was to secure food for the table and anything that took them away from that was not good.

Why won’t men discuss depression?

When you bring depression and anxiety disorders into the picture the story only gets worse. I can speak from first hand experience when I say that in 1989 I was so ashamed to be not coping with life. This kept me from seeing a doctor and discussing the insomnia, anxiety, lethargy, and black thoughts. Due to the ever increasing spiral downwards I became convinced that there was no hope of me getting better and I thought I would be doing everyone a favour to end my life. Thankfully I was unsuccessful but I know even today that many men are making this same mistake.

It’s happening in rural area’s as well

I spoke at a small Queensland town called Murgon last week. The town had organised the event because they had been rocked by a recent spate of male suicides. I spoke afterwards with a surviving family of one of these tragedies and they were still so distraught that there son hadn’t reached out to them. When you are that depressed, the depression tells you that you will never get better again, and that is why you need to confide in others to give you perspective.

Please seek help

Depression is eminently treatable. I really believe that I was spared my suicide attempts to spread the message that you can recover from depression and go on to lead a very fulfilling life - for details of my path out of 5 years of hell see http://www.iambackfromthebrink.com/eBook.html 

Don’t believe you are doing anyone a favour by not seeking help

Depression is potentially a life threatening illness. If you think your family is better off without you - you are 1000% wrong. I have spoken to many families who have been devasted by a loved one’s suicide. They punish themselves by always questioning what they missed. It makes me shudder when I think of how close I came to putting my own family through that.

If you are not coping, please, please see your GP.

If you are feeling suicidal call the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 where you can have 5x 50 minute sessions with a trained counsellor for free.

Kind Regards

Graeme

 

Tags: anxiety disorders, depression, suicide

There is a common myth that you shouldn’t discuss suicide with someone who is depressed. The rational is that you will put ideas into their head. I can speak with some authority on this subject as I have felt seriously suicidal for periods up to three years. I have also made four serious attempts on my life. During those periods, I was 100% certain that I would never feel normal again. I knew that I had overcome depression before but after four years of unrelenting hell no logic could convince me that I could do the same again.

 

My parents say in the foreword to BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO (launched September 9) that not asking me if I wanted to take my life was one of their greatest regrets. Thankfully, for all our sakes, I was unsuccessful. Many other distressed people have contacted me, who have lost a loved one to suicide. Their despair and guilt is palpable. They are continually asking themselves “What if I had done this?” “What if I had done that?” To those people I say that some people are determined to die no matter what you say to them.

 

Looking forward however, my advice to people supporting someone with depression, definitely would be to raise it, if you suspect the person is in crisis. There is not enough room here to go into all the warning signs here but it is something I cover comprehensively in a chapter titled “Surviving a Crisis” in the new book.

 

There is still so much stigma around the word suicide that I think this is one of the major reasons people find it difficult to raise.

 

Perhaps a less confronting way to ask the same thing is: “Are you thinking of harming yourself?” If the answer is in the affirmative, I would suggest asking them “If you had to rate your mood, where 1 is actively suicidal and 10 is 100% normal, where would you score yourself?”

 

If they rate themselves below 4, you need to quietly but firmly suggest that you take them to see a mental health professional.

 

If you have depression and are thinking of ending your life, my emphatic message would be that people do feel that there is absolutely no hope for them and go on to fully recover. You only have to read the stories of Kathy McMahon, Brian Egan, Sonia Attard, and even myself from my first book to see that. Details can be found at:

 

www.OvercomingYourDepression.com

 

If you are caring for someone who you think could be contemplating ending their life, I would strongly encourage you to raise it with them by asking the two questions above. I would also say to you that just because someone is feeling strongly suicidal, it doesn’t mean that they can’t make a 100% recovery. See:

 

www.OvercomingYourDepression.com

 

Suicide Call-back Service

In the process of researching BACK FROM THE BRINK TOO I came across this fabulous service called the “Suicide Call-back Service” which very few people are aware of. It is a free federally funded service for people contemplating suicide, their carers, and those bereaved by suicide. It is manned by trained counsellors and you can have up to five fifty minute phone consultations with the same person at a mutually agreed time.

 

This service operates 7 days a week from 10.00am til 8.30pm. The number is:

 

1300 659 467

 

If you know anyone that falls into the above 3 categories, please share this information with them.

Please don’t be afraid of raising the subject of suicide with someone who is depressed. If you know the depth of their crisis you can take some appropriate action.

Kind Regards

Graeme

Tags: crisis, depression, depression caregiver, depression carer, suicide